Unfaithful
by themadhatterlovesaliceinanime
Summary: Sam leaving wasn't as cut and dried as the show portrays. Sam was the main reason for the event unfolding.


_Story of my life  
Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me_

Sam only wanted to do what was right. He knew he was holding Dean back. He saw the looks Dean gave the other women. He saw the way he wished he could have them. It started with him trying to get over Dean. Then he met Brady. He was the nicest goy he knew. He told him that he was going to Stanford. That was the line that stole Sam.

_Sorrow in my soul  
'Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company_

Sam still loved Dean even though he was with Brady. He would still kiss Dean goodnight and he would still make love to Dean when they were overcome with emotions. He still was doing the thing he got with Brady to avoid. He was still being a freak.

__

_He's more than a man  
And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
The clouds are rolling in  
Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true_

__I see the way it hurts Dean when I leave for a date with Brady. I always see him pleading with his eyes for me to stay. I can't. I can't be with him. I need to be normal.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying  
_

He knows about Brady. How could he not? He is my ride everywhere. I see the pain flash in his eyes when Brady walks up to me and kisses me. I kiss back. He needs to get over me. I'm not going to be here much longer. That still doesn't stop him from dying inside. I can see it. He is getting more and more reckless at hunts.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer  
_

I can't do this anymore. I can't take killing him inside. Tonight is the last night. I see the way it is killing him inside. I see him feeling like he is just the side guy. Which he is slowly becoming. I love him more than Brady, but I put more effort into that relationship. I was a normal life.

_I feel it in the air  
As I'm doing my hair  
Preparing for another date  
A kiss upon my cheek  
As he reluctantly  
Asks if I'm gonna be out late  
I say I won't be long  
Just hanging with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell  
Because we both know  
Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well  
_

I tell him I am going studying with some friends, but its useless. He knows I'm going out with Brady. He always knows. I'm going to end it with Dean when I get back. Today, I give Brady the big news. I got my acceptance letter to Stanford. I was going to law school.

_'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying_

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer  
_

I think he senses that the end is drawing near. He kisses me sweetly when I move to leave. When he pulls back he is crying. I can almost feel his heart breaking. His candy apple green eyes I love so much are filled with tears. I know that look. If I don't come home early he is going to drown himself in alcohol. I tell him I love him as I walk out the door. I hate myself for it.

_Our love, his trust  
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't wanna do this  
Anymore  
_

When I get home he is on the couch bent over with his shoulders shaking. I walk over and kiss him lovingly. He kisses back desperately. I whisper that I love him. He pleads for just one more night. I tell him that I'm going to Stanford and that I don't want him holding me back when I'm there. I tell him that were done. He pleads for me to love him one last time.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
And every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore_

So I do. I take him to our temporary bedroom and lay him on the bed. He is crying as I worship every inch of his body. He whispers my name as I take him. He whispers his love as I get dressed and packed to leave. He doesn't move from that spot as I leave him for good.


End file.
